Example Corrected Essay, Page 1.JPG

In the last few posts, I looked at the …

“This teacher is wonderful; (s)he corrects as many writings as I want” syndrome.

I explained how ‘correction’ of written work can be done well, or done badly, and if it is done badly, this correction can be useless, and that maybe your teacher is not as wonderful as you think. In the previous post, I introduced error coding, which is the right way, because it is the ONLY way to involve the learner. Yes, Benjamin Franklin got it right when he said, “Tell me and I forget. Teach me, and I may remember. Involve me and I learn.”

Well, today I spent four hours (!!!!!) correcting a class set of IELTS Writing Task Twos (the essay). So, maybe we can look at the sort of work I do, and how it can benefit the students. Here, I will look at an old essay (with the name covered).

So, look at the picture at the top. Try to correct the first paragraph yourselves, based on the error codes, and the suggestions, I have written. This will really teach you about grammar and writing. Study that first paragraph. If you click on it, you may be able to get a closer view. If not, here it is again. 

 

How does government allocate money is a big issue in runing a country. Does the money could be more better spend on public services than museums and art galleries? I disagree with that.

 

The highlighted errors and suggestions are also written below.

 

Error 1 + Suggestion 1

Does government allocate money = [needs to be a noun] …………………………

 

The suggestion is Ex. 15 II 1–10 from my book. This exercise says, ‘Can you change the following gerund noun phrases into more formal nouns?’ Here are four of the examples.

  1. Removing rubbish        
  2. Explaining to patients     
  3. Regulating business
  4. Destroying the environment

Why don’t you try these four examples above, as well as the one the student wrote?

 

Error 2

Runing = [Sp. Mistake] …………….….

 

Error 3

Does the = i………..…

 

Error 4

More better = [grammar mistake] ……………………

 

Error 5

Spend = [change to V3] ……..…………

 

Suggestion 2

The suggestion is p.83 bottom from my book, where it says, …

 

As Appendix 11 shows, a better answer for Introduction L is:

It could be argued that cars should be banned from city centres. I must agree with this, believing that removing vehicles from these areas is a good idea.

Notice the underlined parts, where I used ‘removing’ instead of ‘banned’, ‘vehicles’ instead of ‘cars’, and ‘these areas’ instead of ‘city centres’. I did this in order to not repeat the words or grammar, and this leads us to the next tip.

 

Now, go ahead and try fixing all the errors, following the suggestion, and re-writing the first paragraph.

 

[To be continued in the next post].

 

Find the meaning of the underlined words, also repeated below.

  • coding // code (n)
  • to highlight (v)
  • to allocate (v)
  • gerund (n)
  • to regulate (v)

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