7. flower.jpg

 

 

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (7 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). The picture of the flower above is simply beautiful - beautiful because it's so simple. Yet it is actually a very complex creation. But nature has presented it simply, not confusingly. We don't have a mess of detail, but instead the simplicity of elegant lines. Think like that when you write. If you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

 

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

 

Here’s some practice for you.

 

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

One

This is useful in order to defend the country from foreign attacks. [12 words]

 

Two

Living alone affects people’s mental health. The research shows some bad influences of living alone is that the feeling of loneliness and depression is more clear and more common.  [30 words]

 

Three

To prevent an incident like this one from happening again in the future, ... [13 words]

 

Four

There are still some who think that compulsory military service is a necessary way. They may think many things, such as having more soldiers represents a stronger military. [28 words]

 

Five

For example, in Singapore, the government using hanging to deter other criminals, and the result of using this method is successful. [21 words]

 

Six

Without happiness in your job, you will become unhealthy, which means emotional problems will affect your life. Additionally, dealing with work with a negative attitude will cause missed opportunities for promotion. [31 words]

 

 

Answers to Concision 6 of 30: Sentences

One

It is highly possible, in fact, almost certain, that the bullying will continue. [13 words]

 

… becomes …

 

The bullying will inevitably continue. [5 words]

 

Two

An oven is used to rearrange the interior structure of the plastic, changing the way the nolecules of plastic are composed. By this machine, the preliminary material of the plastic is formed into granules. [34 words]

 

… becomes …

 

Heating in an oven rearranges the inner structure of the plastic into granules. [13 words]

 

Three

The fact is that asking for help is not a practical method to deal with the problem of school bullying. [21 words]

 

… becomes …

 

Asing for help is not practical. [6 words]

 

The rest of the sentence (‘deal with the problem of school bullying’) is all obvious from the previous sentences, which have already introduced this subject.

 

Four

For example, in the much superior healthcare service, superior education system, and the better-designed transportation infrastructure. [16 words]

 

… becomes …

 

For example, in the better healthcare, education, and transportation services. [10 words]

 

Five

The amount starts at 6.3%, which is gloomy when put in comparison with its urban counterpart. [16 words]

 

… becomes …

 

The amount starts unpromisingly at 6.3%. [6 words]

 

Six

The Japanese liked to take coaches more than the other types of transport. [13 words]

 

… becomes …

 

The Japanese prefered coaches. [4 words]

 

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com .

 

 

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