cat-300572_1920.jpg

 

 

Yes, it’s Back to Concision, Again (5 of 30)

Remember, being concise helps give you that ‘clear progression’ in your writing (= IELTS 7). Think about it. A cat's face is composed of a million pieces of hair, but the beauty of it is when they all fit together clearly in a simple way. Yes, if you make the same point in fewer words, WRITE THOSE WORDS!  You then have time to …

 

  • move on,
  • say more,
  • and achieve more of the task.

 

Here’s some practice for you.

 

Try making the following sentences more concise.

The answers will be given and explained in the next post.

 

One

We need some solutions to deal much better with this problem. [11 words]

 

Two

Scientists may one day figure out an answer to solve this problem. [12 words]

 

Three

The bullies can continue to hurt people, and make them do many things which they do not want to do. [20 words]

 

Four

They can learn a skill, and the best thing is that they do not even have to pay money to learn this skill. [23 words]

 

Five

They can bully them using language and many bad words, or even by doing the things which hurt them. [19 words]

 

Six

Online shopping has become more common. The reason why people are choosing to shop online rather than go to stores on the street is due to the common access to the Internet and the huge popularity of Internet-linked cellphones. [39 words]

 

Answers to Concision 4 of 30: Sentences

One

The numbers of males were more than females. [8 words]

 

… becomes …

 

The number of males exceeded females. [6 words]

 

 

Two

North America and South America have the same trend, which shows that the proportion between men and women in these two continents was the same. [25 words]

 

… becomes …

 

Both North and South America have an equal proportion of both genders. [12 words]

 

 

Three

... an oven equipped with the technology to create high pressure. [10 words]

 

… becomes …

 

... a high-pressure oven. [3 words]

 

 

Four

... children at the age of five. [6 words]

 

… becomes …

 

... children aged five. [3 words]

 

 

Five

... for people who may be stronger or more powerful than the others around them. [14 words]

 

… becomes …

 

... for stronger or more powerful people. [6 words]

 

 

Six

NASA has been developing new technology to generate power from space. Solar cells are one of the most important pieces of technology that NASA keeps developing. And solar cells can also benefit people’s lives greatly. [35 words]

 

… becomes …

 

NASA has been developing solar cells, which can greatly benefit society. [11 words]

 

By the way, you can learn more about me at   www.aisielts.com

 

 

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